Finding Your Reason

I say a lot in real life that I don’t want being a bit of a lemon to define me as a person, that I don’t want to be known as ‘that disabled girl’, so it seems ridiculous that I would choose ‘Hobbling Handmades’ as a name, right?

The truth is, being disabled does define me. Not in a way that means it is the only thing about me that people know, or that it is something that completely takes over every day, but it’s something that has absolutely changed my life, is with me every moment, and I need to acknowledge that. It stopped me doing a lot of things that I loved. I’m never going to say I’m glad that I’m ill, or that it was a blessing, because to be honest it isn’t. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, and I needed a lengthy (but overall not super helpful) bout of counselling. But then once I discovered that sewing and knitting and general craftiness was something that not only I could physically do, but was actually quite decent at, I was enamoured straight away.

Sewing is something that I think about constantly, something that fills my days and makes me smile. When I’m at my machine or tapping away with my knitting needles, I’m not ill anymore. Even on days where I’m totally stuck in bed passing out all over the place, mum brings the machine to my bed and fashions some kind of device so that I can sew, and I forget all about it.

I set up this blog, and chose this name because I wanted to make a point of how fundamentally important it is that you find something you love if you’re ill. No matter what illness, whether it’s mental or physical, transitory or something you’ll be living with for the rest of your life, you need to find something that makes you forget all about it. I want to help people who are in the same position as me, were in the same position that I was when I was first diagnosed. You’re going to want to find something that makes you feel normal, makes you feel a little bit more human, and I cannot stress enough how important it is.

Not everyone is going to want to admit it, but there are going to be times in everyone’s life when you genuinely ask yourself ‘what’s the point?’ When everything seems so pointless and against you that you just want to give up. I’ve been through the same thing countless times, adamant that I will not attend one more appointment, let one more consultant prod and poke me, and say ‘Are you sure they’re dislocations?’ ‘Are you really in pain?’. There are days where I feel so down and sorry for myself that I vow to never get out of bed again, because it feels so unfair that I’m in so much pain. But you need a reason to get out of bed, to keep going, You need to remember that it isn’t just you suffering, it’s the people around you too, and that giving up would hurt them as much as carrying on right now hurts you. Finding that reason makes everything so much easier to deal with. Sewing is my reason, you need to find yours.

So, to anyone that’s feeling a little bit lost and needs something to distract them, whether it’s from your job, your illness, grief after losing a loved one, please, I implore you to try new things. Flick through a local paper and find a club that looks interesting, have a little look on Google, go on YouTube, chat to someone you admire. Just try new things until you find something that makes you so happy that you never want to stop.

If you need any help at all, whether it’s with finding something for yourself to do, or you just need a talk, you can always ping me a message. Go right along to the contact form on my blog (I do believe it’s in the ‘About’ section, forgive me for not knowing) or send me a message on My Instagram and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.